Drunken Fairy
Thursday, 29th January 2014
I had the honor of living with a three-year-old for a week. I’d love to tell you just how tall she is and what she looks like but honestly, it’s kind of a wash. I know she has golden locks and sea blue eyes and her resting face is puppy dog sad regardless of the fleeting pulse of any given moment.
I know she speaks like a drunken fairy from the Bronx and that she’s shy long enough for you to lean in. And once you’ve taken the bait, it’s over. She owns you.
You see, when drunken fairy enters the room, for the first minute or two, I go stupid. In the early rise of the sun, as I sit with my morning tea in hand, wavering between empty space and a laundry list of to-do’s, slowly acclimating to a brand new day, along comes this person, fearless and flexible, unaware of her massive bed head or the fresh goop in her eyes, looking like she lost in an all-night brawl with her pj’s. She stares at me from the doorway. I suddenly feel hyper-aware of the silly thoughts burrowing in and out of my head. For a moment, we lock eyes like two tribal leaders crossing an open field. My mind goes blank. No words are needed, yet the message is clear—friend or foe?
Clearly, the decision rests upon me. Although I’m ancient in kid years and the open field is actually my house, I am without a doubt the underdog in this situation. In the tension before a possible dual, I say something that relinquishes my control. I give up and give in and all is swell. She takes her seat as the rightful ruler. Frankly, I feel happy to be ruled.
One of my hobbies these days is interviewing parents on the path. What’s it like living with a gremlin? And the stories come: It’s the best thing I ever did, the hardest thing I ever did, the highs are really high, and the lows are really low. One thing that seems to be consistent in all of them is the realization that you no longer live just for yourself. Raising a child seems to have this innate sense of considering one’s needs before your own. Being a parent is being a sherpa, the most humbling and ultimate service.
Of course there are other ways we can be of service—volunteering our time, donating our money, supporting a cause—but these aren’t necessarily lifestyles. They’re meetings. How can we do things in life that require more than we have to give? What kinds of situations can we sign up for in which failure is the beginning of the path and not just the fear of how it will end?
Evolving as a human being means we elect experiences that do more than just challenge us. They break us. This seems to be a critical part of the path. Because in our disorientation, all is possible and nothing is true. We lose ourselves. We question everything. In that massive abyss where we are no longer at the center of the world, we give up. In that total surrender something unexpected happens.
What is it you ask?
I imagine it’s different for everyone and that there’s no single answer. And that’s the encouraging part. Life is not a story but a series of moments. And we can choose to live in a way that either protects us from the world or breaks us open into a new dimension of being.
Denmo is the founder and CEO of Earthbody. She is a writer, artist, therapist, and coach. You can reach Denmo here.
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