Marriage: Nobody Tells You Anything

I’m excited to share that for the next few weeks, I’ll be devoting a series of articles on the theme of marriage, love, and relationship. What makes us commit? How can we be in a long-term relationship? Is there a secret to love?

It’s been just over two years since we exchanged our vows in front of loved ones outside on a Sunday afternoon in Marin County. Marriage, as I’ve learned, is a place of never-ending discovery of self, of other, and of union. It’s also a charnel ground—a place of daily death and rebirth. And that’s if you’re lucky. There’s something essential to relationship as a vehicle for transformation. Some couples are inspired by change; others may see change as conflict. But make no mistake…deep relationships offer an opportunity to awaken innate wisdom. In our most celebrated bonds, if we’re really present, change occurs. This is a very good thing.

When I look back at the changes that have happened in me, I realize how little I knew about marriage. I had all sorts of weird beliefs on matrimony that only surfaced once the wedding plans were well underway. Many of which I’ve only begun to unpack. Some of my personal favorites are/were:

Marriage means emotional stability.

Marriage means clearer boundaries.

Marriage means committing to a future.

Marriage means love has been achieved.

Marriage means the beginning of a new life.

Marriage means mutual ownership.

Actually, marriage doesn’t mean anything. I’m pretty sure that outside of a joint tax filing, marriage doesn’t have a meaning. Marriage is a promise. It’s a vista for two—an uncharted journey together. No matter how long you were together before, marriage is the beginning of a new relationship. You start fresh when you say, “I take You to be my Forever.”

Nobody tells you anything about marriage. Not really. So many couples walk into it blindly because of love or because they were asked, or because it was time. You say your Oh yes, I do’s, take your pictures, eat your cake and make a romantic getaway. But what happens after the honeymoon? What are we getting married for? Who do we get married to?

In the coming weeks, I’ll be diving into themes of marriage and exploring some of the ways we hide and reveal through love. Next week, I’ll share more about how my beliefs on marriage were actually myths, as well as a few of the hard truths I discovered in the process.

In the meantime, I’d love to hear your thoughts on marriage and relationship—whether you’re hitched or not.

What does it mean to be in a committed relationship?

What dreams do you have about union?

What has been your reality?

What is your secret?

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